Can't we all just get along

One of the things we're discovering is that parenting is as loaded a subject among friends and acquaintances as politics or religion. The very best of kindhearted people get zealous to the point where you can't even discuss different viewpoints. It's a loaded subject to be sure -- everyone wants very much to do the best job possible, and to suggest another approach can sometimes smack of criticism or censure. There are two big camps in the baby-rearing world: attachment parenting and a more scheduled approach (sometimes represented by the book Baby Wise). Now, M and I believe that the structured approach would fit in well with our lifestyle, general approach to the world, and our temperments. While we don't think a kid should be forced to wait until The Schedule says it's time to eat, for example, having a bit of structure in feeding, sleeping, etc. and allowing the child to develop some independence...well, it just makes sense to us, in the same way that certain political or religious or even ethical choices did. That isn't to say that another family might find the attachment approach (generally, feeding on demand and sharing a lot of physical closeness -- such as having a family bed, etc. etc.) more their cup of tea. What dismays me is the inability to discuss different ideas openly. Most of my mama friends are open-minded -- I found those that did natural childbirth, for example, to be completely understanding of my choice to have an epidural. However, it's true that most of us do share a similar philosophy (and I suspect, political and spiritual viewpoints as well). However, I have a dear, dear friend who had a baby 6 mos. ago. She and her brilliant, wonderful hubby have a completely different parenting approach than we have chosen, and she is such a loving, passionate person that I am scared to death to talk with her...afraid of what our clashing parental worldviews might do to our friendship...afraid of being judged, if I'm honest. Her? Doula. Waited until labor started naturally -- 11 days late. Mostly natural childbirth (except for some pain relief for an unexpected episiotomy at the end). Breastfeeding. Family bed. Attachment parenting. Me? Induced, 10 days late. C-section (not by choice). Had to quit breastfeeding due to complications. Mostly scheduled feedings, with some flex. Baby is already sleeping in her own crib, in her own room. Stuff happens in life. You make the best choices you can at any given moment, and you try to keep moving on. I see this as another example of the fear of open discourse in our society. Is this a new phenomenon? Did people used to be able to talk about politics, religion, parenting, philosophy -- openly, passionately and yet politely? Is it the dual-minded Libra in me that is always interested in the other side of the coin and the argument? I dunno. Maybe the lesson here is, stop looking for anybody else's philosophy or permission and trust my/our instincts. V's Auntie Hurricane (my sister) says to put away the books and quit trying to parent perfectly. Boy howdy, that's easier said than done.