Yarrrgggh

What? It's August. Don't bug me. I'm not good at this "August" thing. It makes me cranky and hot and bored. In other news, we've had another death in the near family. The daughter of my mom's best friend passed away last week suddenly. This makes four deaths since Christmas. It sucks that we're all getting good at memorials and planning food and all that. I'm rather numb at this point... except... Mom's best friend wants me to sing at the service. I am smart enough to know that's not a good idea. To be able to sing at Didi's service, I had to shut down everything inside and become something of an automaton. I'm glad I did it, but it took an awful lot out of me. And then, too, my mom and my sisters and my "other mom" weren't sitting there looking at me with their hearts broken. I can't do it, I'm sorry. It's too close to Dad. It's too close. I'd have to coat my insides with steel and teflon, and that just isn't a healthy thing to do in the Year of Many Deaths. I've done all the "suck it up" moves I can manage for one year. There's no more "tough" in me. Vacation in 2 weeks. 2 weeks.