Why 4:00?

As I frequently do, I woke up at around 4:00 and now can't go back to sleep. This time I was thirsty and the storm had started. Sometimes I have to pee. Regardless, I wake up, become conscious of the physical imperative, and then I start thinking "don't think don't think don't think just get up and go do it and get back in bed before your brain figures out you're awake..." It nearly never works. So I lay there in bed and try not to wake up Mike. I play the Movie Star Name Game in an attempt to short-circuit my brain. I think about stuff that needs doing, even though I probably already wrote it down on a to-do list. I ponder. I try to just listen to the rain or the birds. I try to meditate. I turn back over. More Movie Star Name Game. More tossing and turning. Sometimes, I jostle Mike in the hopes he'll wake up for just a minute and feel sorry for me and his Perfect Sleeper mojo will spill over on me. The guy can fall asleep and stay asleep nearly anywhere at nearly any time. It's a talent. The more I talk to other people about insomnia like mine, I think it's a woman thing. A worrier thing. But it happens even when I don't have anything to worry over. (And really, there usually isn't anything worth staying up at 4:00 in the morning over). I know very few men who wake up in the middle of the night. Usually, they can't GO to sleep. My sisters wake up around 3 or 4 too. I say we need some sort of signaling system saying "I'm awake, are you?" so we can just call each other and catch up--since we never have time in ordinary hours. The worst thing is I'm a rotten napper. I need a four-hour block of time to maybe get a 45-minute nap. So on nights like this, I know I will be zonked on the couch by 9 pm the next evening, which sucks. It makes me feel like an old lady. It makes me feel like my mom. So I ponder. I feel sorry for myself. Often, I just get up and waffle around the web. Today, I'm posting. The one good thing is I can sometimes go back to sleep after 2-3 hours of wakefulness, for another hour of sleep or so. If I'm lucky.