Impending/post-momness

Mom came in for Mother's Day. A nice visit, full of good talks and memories of Dad. We're both missing him. I realized this weekend that one big element for me is that, in our family, there were Mom and my two sisters, and then me and Dad. They were alike. We were alike. I'm not always sure how much I was like Dad, but it was sort of by default. My brain didn't/doesn't work like Mom's and my second sister's do. (My oldest sister was gone to college by the time I was 8, so I didn't realize our kindred brains as much until later on) My brain works like my dad's on too much caffeine. Even he didn't get me a lot of the time. But the ways in which he understood me, nobody else did. And that's gone. The ways in which I look like him -- and not like my sisters or my mom -- will not be mirrored back at me any more. My hands are just mini, girly versions of his, and I can't hold his hand and marvel at that any more. So, I'm missing my dad. And the experience of seeing myself in him, and him in me, in that endless way you get when you're lookng in two mirrors at once. It goes on forever.