It's noisy inside my head

Monday morning. Finish breakfast. Get dressed. Kiss hubby goodbye. Sit down at computer to check email. . Taskmaster: (VOICE OF VADER) WHY ARE YOU NOT WORKING YET, YOU UNPRODUCTIVE SLOB? Me: Um, because I promised the small voice I’d stay stopped until the end of the month. I don’t know. Shut up. Taskmaster: (WHEEEZZZZZ) UNACCEPTABLE! ADMINISTERING INTERNAL ASS-KICKING IN 4, 3, 2… Me: Now, hold on a minute, you’ve been in charge most of the time, and I just wanted to let- Taskmaster: (KAFF) INITIATING SHAME SPIRAL SEQUENCE. FIRE THE “SLACKER” TORPEDO! Me: But all these other parts of me deserve a chance to be in charge sometimes. You’ve turned me into a nervous wreck! I don’t even like me anymore! Taskmaster: YOU MUST BE PRODUCTIVE AT ALL TIMES! PEOPLE WILL TALK! Still, small voice: That’s not true. Me: What did you say? Taskmaster: PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE WOMAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN! I AM THE GREAT, ALL-POWERFUL- Still, small voice: It’s not true. Sometimes you have to rest. It’s been a crazy couple of years. You worked really hard. Now it’s time for something new. Me: But I don’t know how to do that! Why do I have to stop? Taskmaster: YOU MIGHT FAIL! YOU MIGHT LOOK STUPID! YOU’LL DEFINITELY LOOK LAZY. AND, UH, FAT…YEAH, FAT! AND CHECK OUT ALL THE STUFF YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE DOING! Still, small voice: Nope. You have to stop for a while because you forgot how to hit the “reset” button. It's pretty simple: rebooting means “let’s go look at the bumblebees and the flowers until we stop feeling freaky.” Me: Forever? Cuz I can’t just not work, y’know. We have a mortgage. Taskmaster: AND A HUSBAND WHO WILL PROBABLY LEAVE YOU, YOU LAZY WORTHLESS TROLL- Me: Hey, cut it out! He might actually like the non-wired me a little better. Cuz then maybe I’d sleep at night, and relax and enjoy the football season. Maybe we could take our vacation without running us everywhere in a frantic race to do it all. I like football! I like gardening. I like hanging out! Saboteur: Ssssssss…..You should probably eat something. Like cheese. Or cookies. A bag of chips. Hey, how about a Diet Pepsi…or twelve… Let’s zone out and watch “I love the 00s.” Oh, the nostalgia of 18 months ago… Still, small voice: You don’t have to do any of that. You can be present for your life and find balance. You can work sometimes and play sometimes and zone out sometimes, too. Just not all at the same time. Taskmaster: SLOTH! GLUTTONY! RAGE! PARALYSIS! GET BACK TO WORK! Saboteur: Aren’t you hungry? Ssssss…. Listen, anxiety feels just like hunger and eventually you will give in…You can hardly stand it right now…How about a taco? Me: Jeez, this sucks. Can the voice of reason speak up just a little bit? I can hardly hear a thing… Still, small voice: Okay. Get up from the chair. Step away from the computer. You don’t have work you have to do, and it’s only 82 degrees outside. Why waste it?