Blue

I am still blue. Still sad. Well, most of the time it masquerades as irritability or moodiness, but underneath it all, I'm missing my dad. I am sick to death of death. I am tired of feeling this way. I'm afraid to admit (especially to myself) that I still feel sad and lonely and confused about it all, because it's frustrating to still feel this way. I get kinda desperate to feel light again (hence the haircut). I try to force the fun, and that doesn't work either. Ick. I miss my daddy. I miss my granny. I miss my friend Didi (though not terribly much, I must admit, because I think I'm still numb about that). Didi's memorial service is tomorrow and I'm singing, which is both easier (performer armor) and harder (singing, when I didn't sing for my dad). I want it all to go away. I don't like admitting that, so I'll just write it here because nobody but maybe Jean or Ann reads this and they love me any way. Blue secrets.